Happiness

It is a Saturday afternoon and I can barely stay awake.  What happened to the Saturdays of yore when I would get up early and take the kids out for donuts and let their mother get some rest.  We would go on to do the grocery shopping and then come home, mow the lawn, trim the yard, wash the cars, take the kids to a park or do something fun and then barbeque that evening.  Where did all that energy go?  Today I just want a nap. 

Don't misunderstand...naps are good.  That is not the point.  Today I am just spending the time working, writing proposals, memos for work, planning for next weeks meetings, reacting to emails from my boss and others.  I find that this takes a toll...it wears one down.  But it is the nature of the job and the pressures that are created take the "happiness" out of you.  Some might say it is the stress of life, but maybe it is just the mental fatigue that comes from living in a 24/7 digital world. 

Grandparenting...

I think I am going to shift gears a bit and move on to relationships for a bit.  I was surprised a few weekends back, on a Sunday afternoon to be exact, when I got a video from my grandson and his mother, my daughter.  Actually I was more excited and pleased than surprised...my daughter often sends short videos for me of what my grandson is doing...playing in the mud, picking flowers, playing with the cat...but this one was about the upcoming visit of my son with his family. At least that is what it said.

When I watched the video my grandson was talking about what he wanted to be for Halloween.  My granddaughter, roughly the same age will be visiting from Europe around that time and we thought they might like being some related characters...Cinderella and Prince Charming, Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, something fun....so the video was quite cute.  No he didn't want to be a cat, he wanted to be a frog, but then he says quite clearly that he wants to be a big brother...WHAT?

Yes I am going to become a grandfather for the third time.  I have to admit that I truly loved being a dad...my kids were fantastic and I could not have ever been more proud of them.  When I watch my children with their children I begin to get a bit nostalgic just remembering the great times we had together.  There is no feeling in the world like the feeling you get when you come in the door from a long day at work and have your kids standing on the chair by the garage door to be the first to give you a hug or a kiss or to have their mouth filled with whip cream that you picked up on the way home.  

It was so wonderful to take them shopping on Saturday morning just so my wife could have some time to herself.  It was only the grocery shopping but still...it was almost magical to see them get excited about being together in store and picking out their favorite fruits or ice cream or cereal.  The afternoons mowing the lawn with my son or washing the car with my daughter pretending to drive through the rain.  

But the joys of parenthood extend to "grandparenthood" as well. True enough, we don't get to see them as much.  We miss the daily, little parts of life that make it so rich but I for one will take whatever part I am blessed to have.  Sometimes playing buzzy bee through the iPad with a child 6000 miles away seems to be lacking but her laugh and smile and calls for "encore" more than make up for all that. I do get to spend more time with my grandson. We have breakfast on Saturday mornings sometimes...just the two of us and pancakes are the food of choice for two year olds I have found.  

I remember my own grandfather...my maternal grandfather...he was Irish or perhaps more accurately Scots Irish.  What I remember most is his ability to tell a story.  He could look at almost anything and make up a story that would hold your attention for quite some time.  He and I would walk home from my aunt's house on summer afternoons and he would sing me songs and he taught me to whistle.  He would stop for his one beer and a pack of "lucky Strikes" and buy me a root beer and some candy cigs...no I never smoked as an adult, it did not warp my thinking and yes he died from lung and throat cancer so there was a real lesson in the evils of smoking...and we would continue our walk.  He took me to see the ships in port in San Diego and to the museums in Balboa Park.  But one of my favorite remembrances is from the times that he took me to see the fairy lights at night.  He would drive up Mt. Soledad from the back and when we got to the turnout we would look over the lights of the city and he would say " the fairies are busy tonight, we will have to be quiet."  It was simply amazing.  

I still like to whistle when I am happy, I try not to sing if anyone can hear me but when I do I think of his rich baritone and I took my children when they were young up to the hills near our house to see the fairy lights at night.  Maybe someday I will be a grandfather like my own to my grandchildren...I'm trying.  

I guess the point here is that there is real joy in authentic relationships...those where both parities care about and love the other.  Why those seem to stop when we reach adulthood I am not sure...maybe it is just not cool to go looking at fairy lights or maybe we know the reality of the vision but somehow we need to find that magic in each other.  But, for now, I am just going to see if my grandson wants to try some pancakes this Saturday and let his mother get some much needed rest.  Who knows maybe the fairies will still be busy somewhere if we just look.  

~V

Family

Posie was there as was Mr. Bang and the Queen and of course there was Windy, the mother of the groom.  The occasion was a wedding but the biggest part of the day was the time for the family to be family.   Family...I know it seems like a weird family but it is mine none the less. 

I had the most wonderful childhood you can imagine.  Well at least for the first 14 years.  I was blessed to be born into a family of joyful people.  Perhaps more accurately half a family of joyful people, the other half had trouble finding a reason to even smile but who cared about them.  My mother made life magical...I suppose at my age, and given that she has been dead for half a century, that might seem a bit of an over the top statement but it was true.  Her family was, to say the least, one of those families that knew how to make the most out of life.

This past weekend when I was at the wedding of my cousin's son it came back to me how much I missed the simple joys, the fun of being a family.  Over the years we have said good-by to so many and each of them took a piece of us with them.  But they also left a piece in return.  There was Esther Moo Moo the one who named us all, and her sisters Minerva Zerk and Slue Foot Sue.  The three sisters as we called them for years were amazing to watch.  The personified lives lived to the max.  When the turkey fell on the floor due to a less then structural foil roasting pan the three sisters broke into a soft shoe rendition of The Good Ship Lollypop in the gravy on the floor of Minerva's kitchen.  There were the ominous poker games when the sisters, along with assorted friends and extended family, would play with green accountant shades and cigars and stiff drinks of bourbon and scotch.  The laughter and happiness coming from the room was the sweetest lullaby any of us could have heard...well it was either that or some great sirens call drawing us out of bed for the chance to watch the fun.

Their relationships were an inspiration to all of us about how we should treat each other and how lives should be lived.  So this weekend when Posie, Windy, the Queen and Mr. Bang and I all got together some of that magic came back.  Maybe it's because we are all getting older and some how life seems more relaxed now.  Maybe it was because we had all been so busy for so long that this weekend brought us together in an environment that fostered the sharing of time and words.  In any case, I for one was truly moved to think about how much I missed that world.  I missed the time we spent together as a friends as much as cousins or siblings.

To be sure, not every day was all roses and daffodils.  We all watched as we lost those closest to us.  We saw the passing of the three sisters, but we did not lose the memories of our family.  Esther could make anything magical.  When a wasp came into the backyard and frightened all of us in the pool she took away the frightfulness by simply giving it a name...Tilly or Mathilda...and told us she was just collecting water to make some mud for her house because she needed more room for her family.  The toad stools and mushrooms in the front yard were from the "Wee Folk" and they brought us all good fortune and luck so we should never touch them because we would scare the Wee Folk away and that would be bad.  So much better I think than if you eat these you will die or get very sick which is what all my friends were told.

Minerva taught me about the value of "overs" when driving and the extremely important "oops" which must be called when you run a light and it turns red.  She convinced my son that her marshmallows were AhPas which the family still uses to this day.  There is obviously more to that story but it will wait for another day.  I remember driving around town with my cousins sticking our heads through the hole in the convertible top of a Nash Metropolitan.  Fun, yes, but equally important Minerva knew the value of sharing and giving.  It was not uncommon to have her stop and help an elderly person home if they were walking or take the time to visit anyone she knew who was sick or needing some love and attention.  That too was what this family was about...giving.

You get the picture...these women and their mother, my grandmother, taught us all about life as a family.  Today we sometimes are forced for various reasons to leave much of that to the "outsourcing agents" we call pre-school, school, or even to the internet on occasion.  Family is much more than the genetic binds that unite us...it is about a life lived connected to others...not by DNA but by the joys, sorrows, ups, downs, and everyday living that we joyfully share.  Like characters in J.M. Barrie's book some of us out grew the magic of our childhoods...others still embrace it.  Some of us no longer remember our magical names...Yogi Sugarpot, Eany Pitcher and Meany Catcher, Peter Perrywinkle, Big Billy Goat Gruff, and I am reasonably sure Mr. Bang was never fond of the T. T. part of his name...but still some of us use those names daily or at least in connection with each other.  We are the ones that carry on the family values of living a life to the max...giving whenever we can...and maybe the most important part is taking each day for what is is and can be and not looking at it for what it does...it is a day worth living to the hilt.

So for now I am going to think about banana splits with Minerva Zerk and Windy Windmill and I want to remember Esther Moo Moo and the way she taught each of the kids in the neighborhood to swim while setting aside some "mom's time" in the pool and the ever important cocktail bell signalling time for the kids to leave the "adults" alone for while as they had adult conversation time.  I will remember Pool Patrol for his great stories and songs.  I will continue to remind Jenny and Pierre of their heritage and hopefully be as much of an inspiration to them to find the joy in life as Esther, Minerva, and Slue Foot Sue were to us.  In the end...it will be our family that will miss us the most and we should want those memories to be filled, as are mine, with good times, great laughs, silly days and rollie pollie hills.  And now I have grandchildren to inspire...what to name them....I need to get started on that. 

~V