It was just a simple paper heart, but it meant all the love in the world to her. Mothers seem to know just how to react to the simplest of gestures. Love seemed so simple in those early days of childhood. Then came independence, puberty, adulthood, parenthood and what ever passes for life. Love became way to complex...or did it.

At this time of year, mid-February, everyone seems to be thinking about love or at least the idea of love. St. Valentine's day comes along and there are some who hope for engagement rings, jewelry, flowers, candlelit dinners, and all the trappings that pass for love. For those on the quest for love it can be a very lonely day, it can be a day of hopes and dreams and fears and doubts all at once. But when all is said and done what is it we are looking for?

I have to admit that I am one of the blessed...I have found the love of my life. In fact, it was 45 years ago this week that we had our first date. Yep, I'm a guy who remembers not only the date, but where we went and what she wore even after nearly half a century. From my vantage point there is a lot to be said about love.

We have been married now for going on forty one years...yes there was such a thing as courtship and getting to know each other before marriage. But even after all those years I can tell you that there is nobody in this world that means as much to me as that girl who swept me off my feet all those years ago. So just what is love?

I don't claim to be an expert on the psychology of emotions, but I think love is more than just some hyper-release of endorphins. It is a commitment, it is a deep trust, it is putting someone else ahead of yourself. In the words of those great collaborators Learner and Lowe..."She almost makes the day begin, like breathing out and breathing in." It is growing so close that you can't forget the tune she whistles night and noon, her smiles, her frowns, her ups and yes even her downs. It is the other person's voice, their smile, the constancy of their breath, breathing out and in. I heard of a man who spent many years trying to find the cologne that his wife had worn. She passed away and he missed her most when he went to bed at night. He missed her smell on the pillow. He wanted the cologne to spay on the bed to help him sleep. After many months of searching for the right scent he discovered that it was just her shampoo. The point, it is the simple parts of a life deeply shared that are truly love.

Recently the love of my life was away...she went out of state to visit her mother as she celebrated her 95th birthday. Momentous occasion no doubt. But it struck me while she was gone was the realization that after 40+ years of being together, of sharing a bed, a bedroom and bathroom, or simply just a home there was a big void created by her absence. I went to bed and realized how little of the bed I actually take up by myself. I found that when I woke up during the night I missed her presence on the other side of the bed, I missed the cuddling the warmth, the smell of her being there. All of that too is part of loving someone.

Somehow in the world today there is a huge lack of understanding for something that we all crave so deeply. The need to be loved is most assuredly craved. I think it is the reason that couples move in together before marriage. They don't know that they want the commitment but they know they want to be loved. But somehow it is in the commitment of loving someone for a lifetime that we truly find the love we are looking for in our lives.

When we got married, oh so many years ago, the ceremony was much more traditional than we see today. The vows were almost archaic...“I take thee to be my wedded wife, To have and to hold from this day forward, For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; And thereto I plight thee my troth.” I still don't know what it was exactly that I plighted but I do remember that both of us were struggling under our breath as we tried to repeat that line without laughing. But, the point is that it was a promise, a solemn promise that love would endure. Who knew that it would become something that not only endured but grew and became so much a part of who I am and who we are that it is almost impossible to think about a life any other way.

So tomorrow is St. Valentine's Day. It is a day we celebrate love. It is also the second biggest day for sale of candy and flowers. But, I know that tomorrow I will wake up and roll out of bed ever so carefully so as to not wake the person I have come to love so much who will be sleeping on the other side of the bed. Maybe if I'm lucky she will be cuddled up against me when I wake up. I'll shower quietly, dress, go down stairs and have some breakfast all as quietly as possible to not wake her. I will put some special song up on iTunes so that it will be playing when she comes down hours later and there will be a box of candy and a card but most importantly, she will know that beyond a shadow of a doubt she is the most loved person in the world. Not because of the candy, the card or the music. But because of the life we share, the love we share.