All I want for Christmas...you fill in the blank. Christmas is that time of year when we are suppose to turn to family, think thoughts about the closeness of our family, be reminded of the joy in the world and find comfort in being together. But somehow it is also a time when so many find themselves facing great depression. I'm sure that some of that depression is caused or created by the lack of the above attributes of the season, but still one has to ponder the question why. With all that is in the world that is designed to make us happy at this time of year why are there so many looking for some shred of happiness?

There are times when I clearly understand that sense of depression. My father died on Thanksgiving day and that day brings back some of those memories. My mom and her family made Christmas celebrations truly fun...well actually FUN. There was laughter, happiness, joking, playing, good-natured teasing. There we songs....some sung with the traditional words and others with the words that only family would understand. Deck the halls with balls of ivy instead of the traditional Deck the halls with boughs of holly...but who cares really.

I am one of those people who like to get the Christmas shopping done early. Usually it is all taken care of by the second week of December. This is somewhat forced by having to ship so much overseas and to one of the coasts, but still, it is a good feeling. Wrapping is special to me...I like to take my time and do something unexpected, unusual, and in a design sense "fresh" but it takes me almost as much time to think through the wrapping motif for the year as to gather the gifts. Some would point out that it is all gone in 30 minutes but to them I would only say...but it looked beautiful, or fun, or whatever.

But the real joy to me comes by going shopping on Christmas eve or the day before and when the mall is packed giving up a parking space to a frantic shopper and wishing them a Merry Christmas, or just walking down the aisle of walkways of the malls and wishing folks a Merry Christmas. You would be amazed at the responses I get...some look at me like I am crazy, others like I was scrooge personified though I don't know why. Yesterday I helped a funny older woman make a decision on mittens for her grandsons and grandsons-in-law. They were all getting the same gift. She just wanted to know if the size was big enough. Merry Christmas and have a great time with your family I said as I left and she called back they would all be at her house tonight. I really love it when someone smiles and says Merry Christmas back or simply says thank you...I feel like I have made their holiday a bit brighter.

For many years I would watch "It's a Wonderful Life" during the Christmas holidays. I used to think it was a heart warming story of how we miss the love in our lives...both given and received. Then a few years back all I could see in the story was how hard George worked to make things better and I could in some arrogant way identify with that part of the story. I felt his frustration, is sadness, his loneliness and that overwhelmed and overpowered the part of the story about how much he was loved. I haven't watched the movie in four years now...I am sort of afraid to find out what part will resonate with me. But recently I think I missed the point altogether...maybe it was Clarence that I was supposed to notice and not George Bailey at all. Remember Clarence is the angel who comes to show George what the world would be like if he wasn't here....if his wish were true. Clarence, if one doesn't believe in angels is at the very least our conscience, shows George what the world would have been like...how much he would have been missed and how the lives of so many would have been much worse. Instead of focusing on George's sadness or his joy perhaps the real message I should have been noticing is that regardless of how we may feel the world is impacted by us and through Clarence George comes to see his impact was positive, joyful, uplifting, and by all means love. Each of us needs a little Clarence now and then to remind us of our goodness, our ability to make lives better for those we love and care about.

So when I think back on my walks through the mall on the days leading up to Christmas...I think maybe I was more Clarence than anything else. Maybe at Christmas we should all work to be Clarence...reminding people how much they are loved and how much we feel loved by them.

So here's to Clarence...may your bell continue to ring every day.