Its a simple phrase, bonjour monsieur, but I have come to understand the importance of those two readily understood words. We don't have a phrase like this in the United States, oh sure we say hello sir or hi mister but not in the same way. Adjusting to life in Paris may be more about these subtleties than about almost anything else.

When you enter a shop or even a stall at the local fresh markets it is always correct and good form to greet the proprietor with the simple "Bonjour Monsieur" or "Bonjour Madame" as the case may be. This is true of the local boulangerie as much as the high end dress shop on the Champs-Elysee. It is expected courtesy. But with it amazing things begin to happen.

Let me give just a simple example. Before I knew this custom and its importance I would go to the fresh market on Friday afternoons and go to the same produce vendor. I would look over what was being offered that day and make selections...more about that later...and he would say "bonjour monsieur." I would smile, nod and give him a couple of apples or a handful of potatoes. The exchange would go well but not very friendly. I thought it was just the French not liking me as an outsider. Then I heard someone say how important it is to use the greeting. Good form as they say.

That week when I went "shopping" I said "bonjour monsieur" to the produce man as I walked up and he responded in kind. Then the shopping was so very different. Now he is more patient with me and my very bad French. He understands that I usually don't like large portions of things like squash since it is just for the two of us so he picks out smaller items to show me. When I want apples he now lets me pick out the ones I want from the box. He fills my bag with Haricots Verts but not so full, he now knows me and what I like. It wasn't the French that was the problem...it was the American. Now when we part I close with the standard Au Revoir and a smile both of which are returned.

Moving from shop to shop and always including the greeting has made a big difference. The woman at the boulangerie now smiles when I come in and she knows that I always ask for the baguette tradition so she reaches for it when it is my turn without even waiting for me to say it. There is always a better than average chance I will want something more...who could resist...and she seems more patient with my language skills and when she is not busy she now tries to help me say the names of the pastries I buy.

Restaurants are the same way...bonjour monsieur as you enter and they smile and welcome you in. Life in France...in Paris...is all about learning the customs and expectations. I alluded to the fact that in the fresh markets you should not pick your own produce. This is true. They think of their produce with great pride. They want to pick just the right pieces for you. They also don't want you to drop it or bruise it but mostly I think they want to make sure you get the best piece, it reflects on them after all and they want you to come back. If you reach in and just start manhandling the produce they get concerned and are not as likely to want to have you back. But, when you become an insider...when you are known to them....they let you pick. I"m somewhere in between with my produce man but then again I am still working on it.